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/m/ - Monologue

ἐδιζησάμην ἐμεωυτόν.
Miscellaneous fragmental writings, self-dialogues, and rantings.
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 No.123

I have been experiencing a profound sense of melancholy in nature, and yesterday a feeling came over to me: this is my last time with this nature. I am searching for her in a deep pain, and I want to know her thoroughly, to remember her completely, precisely because she is not eternal. How can I possibly recall that rich, pulsating materiality and those indescribable hues? Just thinking about nature fills me with sorrow. I wonder how many poets realize that our loss of nature will be forever, she only appears this once.

 No.124

This nature is a transcendent earthly kingdom that only reveals herself alongside an individual's lifetime. In the final moment, she extinguishes, she exists for me alone.

 No.125

>…or whether you add yourself as a new star to the lingering months, where, between the Virgin and the grasping Claws, a space is opening (lo! for you even now the blazing Scorpion draws in his arms, and has left more than a due portion of the heaven!)
This "answer" in the Georgics, appearing just two lines below "ultima Thule", is so subtle and delicate, placing oneself alongside two others, god of the boundless sea; king of farthest Thule. It begins to express vividly and psychologically, and culminates in this short discussion in the celestial realm. This is horrifying, because I can see the poet’s life, expressed in his blood, a kind of frozen blood, a blood of blue, or a kind of frozen blue blood. A blood of an initial spirit, in a golden thread. The Georgics is a work so profoundly moving. This is terrifying.