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/m/ - Monologue

ἐδιζησάμην ἐμεωυτόν.
Miscellaneous fragmental writings, self-dialogues, and rantings.
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     No.21

    I don't want ecstasy or love. I don't want to be in the One. The light.
    I want thinking, I want music.
    How to write blogs after death? When I still want the process, the action of "writing"?
    How to listen music and make music after death? I don't want to instantly know everything.
    I want a library. And to share it with other philosophers and poets who also need it. If the personified God is wise enough he will let his subordinates provide a space for these users. A special room in the hell with beautiful simulation of nature, so even that's hell that is a beautiful hell with nature.

    I don't want to accompany God, I want to think of him from a distance. I want to help God fulfill the knowledge even after death.

    Greed for knowledge and beauty is also greedy, so obviously I should go to hell.

     No.22

    >>21
    The only possible way to write poems for the real scene of death:
    1. Remember all the details. Keep your reason functioning at all times.
    2. Keep the memory and images of these and return to earth (if the world after death does not have a suitable special room to write poems).

    This kind of poetry has not yet appeared. The same is true for music!

    Description of the light. Use 100 lines to describe the light with humanic languages.
    Description of the fire. Use 100 lines to describe the fire with humanic languages.
    Description of the blue circle. Use 100 lines to describe the blue circle with humanic languages.
    Description of the God. Use 1000 lines to describe the God with humanic languages.

     No.23

    >>22
    >This kind of poetry has not yet appeared.
    It's highly likely that Jesus Christ was the only one who achieve this.
    But I'm dreaming about a purely aesthetic description of death scene. There is no moral preaching.

     No.24

    >>22
    tfw I don't want to watch the light show that the God provide. But normies they want to watch the light show and they will say like:
    Wow bliss, Wow Love, Wow God, Wow light.

    When you already know this, you will definitely be curious about the principle behind it all. You don't want to be forced to enjoy the death light show, where God and the spirits reveal themselves.

    I only want to be "forced" into watching the God's light show, if they allow me to write poems and remember all the details after these.
    Otherwise I'm not willing to.

     No.53

    I met some local deities in Fujian, they were kind, helpful, brave, they were good in all senses of transcendental human beings - from the view of human beings and too constrained by the field of humanic life and experience. But, they couldn't answer deep questions I attempted to give them, they couldn't understand, or they are too material to be able to think about those topics. They gave me instructions on the most superficial level. I didn't think it was because the lack of communication devices.
    Those deities don't care about the God. Deities just live, just as humans live.
    It's very clear to myself that I only want to "meet" the highest God.

     No.55

    Find that when personally talk about God, one’s speaking becomes extremely superior, hence sounds pretentious. That’s because it’s assumed when someone dead, it’s possible to meet several deities, individually, you could say, but they’re still not that God. There’s no THE God, that you can see, touch, meet etc. when you are living, AND, when you are not living (dead). This is very basic that even those lights (colors etc.) Buddhists see when they enter some specific status when meditating, aren’t very special and mysterious, in relation to the God… I just feel this.
    Think that it maybe harder to read books after one’s life ended, so even you’re alive you aren’t very “far” from the God, namely it’s literally “encapsulated” in every individual.. although I’m not confident at saying this “every”…

     No.64

    >>55
    >St. Augustine says: God is not far off nor is he long in coming. If you want not to be far from God nor to wait long for him, then go straight to him, for in him a thousand years are but as yesterday when it is past.
    >Meister Eckhart, The Book of Divine Comfort

     No.79

    >>53
    A summary has been given at http://dswarmsikhttkg7jgsoyfiqpj3ighupfrvuz5ri3lu5q2dlqyrpgk7ad.onion/posts/ritual-heaven.html