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/b/ - Stochastic

"Alle Empfindungen stiegen bis zu einer niegekannten Höhe in ihm. Er durchlebte ein unendlich buntes Leben; starb und kam wieder, liebte bis zur höchsten Leidenschaft, und war dann wieder auf ewig von seiner Geliebten getrennt."
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     No.285

    After have realized the God, deities etc., it’s literally every couple of days there will have "religious experience" or mystical findings on this "myself", I was so curious and confused then I read mythologies, various religious histories, astrology stuffs, gradually in the end I found that the phenomena corresponded almost entirely to the myths, maybe with only slight deviations. Overall it's very mystical and even very systematic. But then I found that I was less inclined to talk about this discovery or write down whatever, because I did feel tired and exhausted of it. I think that's universal, and I don't want to be an one another guy who finds it, atm I'm not interested in composing them as poetry. I think I really didn't care about actual gods, deities whoever else, even that's a Dionysus, a Hades, or an Osiris, I think I'm not interested to be one of their fan, when one human being only able to be ONE OF, but not THE ONLY…
    This emotion may be called jealousy. The strange thing is, why I'm so jealous of actual gods? I swear in my mind I'm not, maybe never ever, but it just like I’m jealous of them…
    It's not about believe in the existence of gods (they don't need intellectuals to believe, I guess), it's about WHICH ONE, the first, or even not the first, it's about that thing existed even before the "first", or maybe we can simply say, that only ONE.
    But it's true that some deities are seductive. This explains why so many poets relied too much on their divine beauty and failed to be independent.